When I was younger and idealistic, I did a stint working in Washington, D.C. for the Republican party. I wanted to do good in the world, and thought the party platform was a pretty good framework for that goal. Several years and many mortgage payments later, I aim my good works at my local community and grudgingly vote for the politician whose lies I find the most appealing.
I pretty much leave Washington politicians alone, believing grassroots work can mitigate any foolish decisions on their part. But with the fiscal cliff looming, I believe their foolishness has come to a head, with severe consequences for them. I’d like to be part of the angry mob.
My sphere of influence is limited to my kids, so I’m inclined to “go all mom” on the U.S. House and Senate, grilling them like I would my teenagers:
Me: “So John Boehner and Harry Reid, knowing that you’re going to be adults soon, I’ve let you have a lot more responsibility in running the country. But I’ve gotten very disappointing reports from CNN and Fox News that you purposely set our economy on a course for something called the “fiscal cliff.” What were you thinking!?! Was this some YouTube stunt you dreamed up to impress your loser friends in the PACs?”
Boehner: “If I could get some cooperation from the Senate” …
Reid: …“DIC-tator.”
Me: “Up-bup-bup-BUP!! I don’t want to hear name-calling; I want an explanation. Did you or did you not let a fiscal crisis simmer along for two whole years without addressing it?”
Boehner: “Yes, but I had a ‘grand plan’ to fix it all two weeks before the deadline.”
Me: “Yet the Senate went on break during that time. I saw the check-ins at the airport: I’m on Facebook too, you know. How many times have I told you that you can’t leave things until the last minute like this?
Reid: “there’s still significant distance between the two sides” …
Me: “Yes, I heard that already. Since you both can’t seem to cooperate, I’m stepping in now to tell you how it’s going to work. You are going to have to live within your means. Whatever plans you’re making, if you don’t have the money for it, you can’t have it…and no more borrowing. As for the money you already owe, you and your buddies in the House and Senate are going to get jobs to pay it back. I’ve taken a coffee cake to our neighbors at Gannett and asked them to make room for 535 more people doing paper routes. Wal-Mart also said they’re willing to interview some of you to be cashiers as a personal favor to me and the American people—though to be honest, they didn’t sound all that confident about your qualifications.
Boehner: “If I could get some cooperation from the Senate” …
Me: “If you don’t get this done, I’m taking away your TV…and by that, I mean your C-SPAN television coverage, campaign commercials and re-runs of ‘Big Bang Theory.’”
Reid: “But…”
Me: “Don’t ‘but’ me! If you don’t get this whole mess cleaned up by the end of January, I’m taking your cars and drivers away, and you’ll have to take the bus to work every day. Get to it, because I’m done listening to you.”
In comparing the nation’s leaders to my kids, I have to say I’m grateful that I’m responsible for raising my kids, and not 535 members of Congress: I’m sure I’ll never get a trillion-dollar bill from the school library or cafeteria.
Unemployment as a single mom of five kids this year has got to be one of the low points of my life. At my “up” moments, I tell myself that this is the first chapter of my success story, because—after all—“necessity is the mother of invention.” At my “down” moments, necessity is just a mother.
Adopting the survival technique of selling everything I can find in the closet, I discover that my new iPhone 4 is only worth $2 for resale on eBay. It’s worth much more than that to entertain my daughter during her sister’s soccer games. I’ve checked into selling my diamond wedding set after I read an article in Forbes Magazine that mentioned a website called “I Do, Now I Don’t.” I decide the website is eBay meets talk therapy: “1.5 carat square-cut diamond ring in 18k white gold. I only wore it for six months because my husband was such a jerk. That’s not long enough to create bad karma, so you’d be getting a great deal on a super ring!”
Maybe I’m only freaking out on the inside, because the other mothers are always saying how calm I look. I tell them I’m too beat down to care, and I’ve seen too much to be shocked. On a recent weekday, I was alone in the house, getting a mid-morning shower after my workout, when the doorbell rang. I thought to myself, “I don’t care who’s out there, I’m not leaving a hot shower to rush to the door.” Then came the banging on the door.
“Dammit!” I thought, “one of the kids has lost their house key. If they’re here, that means they’ve either been expelled or they’re bleeding out their eyeballs. Well I’m not running out with shampoo on my hair, so they’ll just have to hold their eyes in their sockets for a while.” The next thing I hear sounds like someone banging around outside the bathroom.
“It must have been robbers knocking on the door to check if I was home, and now they’re in the house. When they get to me, they’ll probably want to kill me,” I decide. “But I’m not going to make their job any easier by running out there for them to slaughter me and roll me up in my living room rug. I’m staying in this warm shower and shaving my legs, even if it IS only for the coroner.” I’m getting mad at these disturbances now, thinking I may actually go attack THEM for breaking into MY home…like that 80-something Miss America from 1928 who took a shotgun to the guys who broke into her house.
When I get out of the shower, I see I have three missed texts from my roof guy, asking if I’m at home so he can make the repairs I called for. It’s just as well, because I don’t see myself getting many responses to my ad that reads “Round one carat diamond ring in white gold setting. The appraiser didn’t mention karma of the ring, but it definitely has good chi, because I was wearing it when I defended myself from a home invasion.”
Last night I got busted for missing the news when somebody asked me if I’d heard about a big drug bust in my town. I confessed that I did miss the news this week, what with driving to VBS, drivers’ ED and volleyball practice each hour of the morning. I did finally get to peek at the story this morning. Apparently, a Madison couple got busted for growing marijuana plants in an indoor greenhouse.
That certainly was newsworthy, as the town positions itself as a family-oriented community with a low crime rate. It was newsworthy too because the accused are a married, (otherwise) gainfully employed churchgoing couple. After skimming the standard quotes from shocked neighbors and acquaintances, I concluded that two people had made a mistake and would suffer the natural consequences of their decisions.
Thinking I would get more details to make sense of all this, I was drawn into a related story submitted by the sister of the accused. She seemed credible, as she wrote a tight sentence and spelled everything correctly. I thought perhaps I could learn something as she related her brother’s loss of two of his sons in separate car accidents.
But it seemed that her main point was that everyone should give the family privacy because of the tragedies they had suffered in life; they should be treated gently because the mom took karate classes and the kids sang in the church choir.
Really!?! They could have gotten my sympathy if they’d cried about the economy and trying to make ends meet. But this lady thinks her brother and sister-in-law shouldn’t be held responsible for their actions because of the various memberships they carry.
I have a new appreciation for the old term labeling some people “no accounts.”
Aspiring to be the responsible sort, I decided to get my research paper mostly done this weekend so that I could play next weekend when my favorite Pearl resident gets back from Florida.
I forgot that I am the head of the house and have five kids.
Fifth kid needed to be rewarded with $15 pink hair dye for pulling weeds (fPr keeps joking that my kid has $15 of weed).Third kid needed to be rewarded for babysitting siblings (note to self: buy protective pads and facemasks for siblings). Bought bookshelves (so neighbors would stop ringing the doorbell at 5 a.m. Saturdays asking if they could be the first into my garage/used book sale).
Finally managed to settle down to review scholarly articles for my book report. Am not much closer to an outline, but can now understand a little Polish (what is IN this tea!?!) Will forge ahead, doing my best and hoping that the modernization of universities has not changed the grading scale to A, B, C, D and wtF.
I’m getting a little more confident about my Internet PR course. Though at first I didn’t understand all the social media technospeak my 20-something classmates were spouting, I did have time to research the key words over the weekend. I caught up with the technology (mostly) and have realized there’s a definite advantage to having life experience, understanding the financial bottom line and being responsible enough to actually do the assigned reading. Having worked in different areas of this industry for several years was also a definite plus.
If I have learned anything in the last two weeks, it’s that those who have been downsized have been given a small blessing. They now have the excuse and opportunity to take a hard look at their current profession, and either retool or take off in a totally new direction. Another blessing comes in measuring ones skills against those of the younger set and discover that one’s own knowledge and ability is still relevant.
Now if only someone will pay me to be relevant.
Got assigned to join the class blogspot for Internet PR 2012 class. Couldn’t find the class spot, so proceeded to start my own. Got stuck in the undertow of researching best blog programs and reviews of hosts, and lost valuable time. While trying to stay current on technology in order to be a better professional, I found myself drawn into the time-burning world of the social networks frequented by the younger people in my class. Holy Scylla and Charybdis! I spent 20 minutes trying to play the YouTube video of Ellen DeGeneres reading Fifty Shades of Grey.
I felt tumbled around in the social network, but perhaps that was productive in understanding the draw.
Necessity is a Mother... 